Within the past few hours, a true luminary of debauchery and lasciviousness has passed on to the great orgy in the sky. Hugh Hefner; founder of Playboy magazine, proprietor of The Bunny Ranch, and the hero and role model of many a Guangzhou Hasher has died of natural causes* at the age of 91. While the world mourns and scores of ex-wives wait for their share of the estate, this weekend’s hare was a bit torn up over the matter…
Turtlehead first gazed upon Hefner’s work as a boy of 12 or 13 whilst visiting his Uncle Charly’s cabin in rural New Hampshire. After discovering the musty and time-stained November 1979 edition of Playboy in a bathroom closet, the young Turtle seemed to develop a headache whenever called by Mother to pick blueberries and suddenly grew ill when his young cousins wanted to skip rocks down by the old mill. Over the next week, his familiarity with Phyllis McCreary’s naughty bits and the strength of his own wrist blossomed into a new-found renaissance of self-awareness. Upon his family’s return home, young Turtle found solace and temporary comfort in Mariah Carey music videos and the ‘nightwear’ section of Mother’s Sears catalog, but he longed for the printed work of the Hef and the warm, tingling feeling it provided him**.
Years later, the Great Hare of the Guangzhou Hash – Turtlehead – pays homage to a legend by setting a trail fit for a Playboy shoot. There will be a bushy and voluptuous trail, cold drinks and women aplenty, and most importantly, Hugh Hefner will become an honorary member of the Guangzhou Hash! All we need for a Best Hash Ever is a Hef lookalike for the circle…hmmm….
**That warm, tingling feeling was restored when Turtle’s neighbor Dylan showed him the crate of nudie mags underneath his Dad’s basement pool table.
What: GZH3 Run #1453 – The Hugh Hefner Appreciation Hash
When: Saturday, September 30th. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead & Hugh Hefner (in spirit)
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of The Guangzhou Hash, Global Warming is an enormous problem globally, but especially for the Dutch and their low level country. this inescapable fact led the Hare of this week, Hunkaspunk, to China finding a safe space in the back country of GZ. He paired up with mountaineering expert Lost Sausage to find a natural pace in the mountains to get the belly cooled from outside and inside to survive even the hot and shitty lobal warming days.
So get READY for the BEST HASH EVER with a cold pool, cold beer, and global warming tips.
WHAT: GZH3 Run #1447: The Global Warning Safe House Hash
WHEN: Saturday, August 19th, 1:00PM *GERMAN STYLE (ON TIME)*
WHERE: Mango Bar, Taojin Exit B (Metro Line 5)
HARES: Lost Sausage & Hunkaspunk
Ladies & “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
Ladies & “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
Buckle-in for another allegedly alluring trail, supposed swim spot at the B point, and purportedly problem-free bus ride….not to mention Cum Cannon’s fifty-fourth fake fuck-off hash. After last week’s Hash, you don’t know what you’ll find as we board Mr. Lu’s bus of mystery once again.
Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
S&S and Cum Cannon have an assignment for you this weekend:
GZH3 Project Assignment
Project Overview: Hashers will show up to Mango Bar on May 27th, 2017 at 1:00 PM. Hashers should be prepared to run long and hard, stop for some beer, run long and hard, then continue to drink beer after they have completed the first task. Hashers will then need to prepare witty accusations followed by a dinner in the countryside.
Objective(s): Hashers will be expected to continue working on the drinking and running skills that have been developed this academic year (but mostly their drinking skills).
Time: Saturday, May 27th, 2017 at 1:00 PM SHARP!
Classroom: Mango Bar – Taojin MTR – Exit B
Materials: Shoes, hash bag, a change of clothes, and beer
Assessment: “Socratic Circle”
Guided questions: Hashers should answer the following questions to receive full credit on the guided questions portion of this project:
- Why is Cum Cannon still haring for the GZH3?
- Compare/Contrast Scratch ‘n Sniff’s beard with his chest.
- Has it been hot enough to make Three Inches of Pain into Three and a Half Inches of Pain? Cite your evidence.
- Has Tap Dat Ass made a proper down down? Why or why not?
- Is the GZH3 better off with Thumbleprints back in Malaysia? Why or why not?
- How’s Papa San’s English? What are your reasons for choosing this answer?
- Make a prediction: Will Hunkaspunk pass out at Mango Bar this evening? Why or why not?
- Has Bollyboob’s Wechat shitposting translated well to being funny in the circle? Please explain.
What: GZH3 Run #1,435 – The Semester Two Final Project Hash
When: Saturday, May 27th, 2017. Meet at 1:00 PM SHARP!
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin MTR – Exit B
Teachers…err Hares: Cum Cannon and Scratch & Sniff
But wait, wait there’s more…
Silver Bullet – with the help of Womb Raider – has taken a break working for the Trump Administration to bring us another GZ Metro Hash! This will be your last chance to see Silver Bullet in action before she goes back home to the great state of Pennsylvania (helped secure Trump’s victory…coincidence…I THINK NOT!). She’s got big…no, BIG plans to further her education for the benefit of the Trump Administration. She – like President Trump – is going to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. So, please cum out to the GZH3 Metro Hash and tell her how SAD you are about her impending departure from the Middle Kingdom.
What: GZH3 Metro Hash #6 – Silver Bullet is Leaving??! #SAD
When: Tuesday, May 30th, 2017. Meet at 1:00 PM SHARP!
Where: Gaotangshi MTR – Exit A
Hares: Silver Bullet and Womb Raider
Scratch ‘N Sniff