Run #1578: ‘The Rat Race Hash’

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Modiesha subway station to Wangshengwei with hopefully some food in the GM’s lair afterwards.

Happy new year to all you wankers. For the people with no family and/or life the Guangzhou Hash still hosts a spectacular run through abandoned Guangzhou. Expect clear skies, fresh air, quiet and desolate landscapes on your way to the A point. Beautiful virgin trails without the usual zombies will follow. Dinner to be a shared meal from whatever is brought by you or available in Wangshengwei or Waimai. Sadly we have to install a hard limit of 100 hashers due to restrictions by the relevant organs and 1 mandatory down down for every time somebody checks your temperature by the hash overlords.

Onon
The hare!

Run: #1578 ‘The Rat Race Hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk
When: Saturday 25th January, 2PM
Where: Subway line 8, Modiesha Station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of clothes, virgin, food to share, hazmat suit

Run #1577: ‘The Twists and Turns Hash’

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash.

Without further ado, the hares present to you the ‘Twists and Turns’ hash.  The last time this haring duo combined forces they brought you the ‘straightest hash ever’ – not withstanding the mermaids at the beer stop and Hiking Club sleeping in her bathing suit. 

This week they have searched long and hard for a trail full of more twists, turns and surprises than Womb Raiders Tinder dates and Creamy Buns dressup wardrobe. 

So if you are ready to be wowed and amazed by what Buns Raider has in store for you get your buns on the bus at Mango Bar Saturday.

NEWSFLASH: The hares have just been informed that in a delicious twist of that the GZH3’s second favorite bar is donating cans of Wuyang IPA for Saturdays trail. Go show your love for the STRAND and thank Dave in person.

Run: #1577 ‘The Twists and Turns Hash’
Hares: Womb Raider and Creamy Buns
When: Saturday 18th January, 1PM
Where: Mango Bar, Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Price: 130RMB (70 run + 60 dinner), kids 65RMB
Bring: Change of clothes, virgin
Note: This trail carries a MILD PinPrick Warning

SH3 Run #1833, GZH3 Run #1575, DGH3 Run #112, PRDH3 Run #6

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Pearl River Delta Hash,

The south has risen again and it’s time for another Pearl River romp, this time to one of our Mother River’s northern tributaries. Up yonder, the pure waters flow both through Conghua’s breathtaking valleys and your beerslurping lips.

Listen to the gentle song of a virgin stream as it trickles down the rockfall in a quaint farmer’s orange grove. Witness a gentle stream trickle down the leg of Sloppy Seconds as he makes a mad dash from the hotel hot spring to the laddie’s room.

Experience the rustle in the bush as two rare white pheasants of northern Guangdong engage in a ritualistic dance of courtship. Marvel at the mating habits of Red Rocket as he chooses his yet-to-be-determined and unbeknownst-to-them victim of the weekend.

Hear the echoing call or “Oooon Onnn” as it rings through the virginal vistas. Listen to the coos of “Ooooohhh yassss” as that one harriette* (or Chicken Choker) finds that one special spot in the hot spring with extra bubbles.

The serene symphonies of Conghua’s slopes will swoon you, the guttural growling of Sleazy Rider in the circle will inebriate you, and the splish splash of a medicinal hot spring will tickle you in all the right places.

On On!
-The Hares
 
What: SH3 Run #1833, GZH3 Run #1575, DGH3 Run #112, PRDH3 Run #6?
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Loose Pussy (ironic)
When: When the hash bus stops
Where: Where the hash bus stops

Bring…
2 days trail clothes. Take note, GZH3 GM.
Shiggy socks or pants for Saturday trail
1 set clothes for post-run circle and dinner
1 set swimwear. Less is more.
1 lunch for Saturday bus. Sharing is caring
1 breakfast for Sunday morning, Sharing is caring.
PASSPORT/ID!!!!

The Double Dicked Full Moon

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,

Before we all fuckoff for our annual CNY migration out of Guangzhou, join two of the biggest dicks on the Guangzhou Hash (both figuatively and literaly) for a double dicked adventure though virgin trails and phallic plazas of Tianhe District. Pornstache and Lost Sausage guarantee a virgin trail and A point. Bring your torch and camera as we hash though dark corners and scenic lakes (with Chinese charcteristics).

What: The Double Dicked Full Moon
When: Wednesday, January 8th –OnOn at 7:30 PM!
Where: Yuancun (Line 5) Exit B
Hares: Pornstache & Lost Sausage

Run #1574: ‘The best hash 2020’

BEST HASH 2020
Ladies and Gentlemen of the GZH3,

Remember the first trail of 2019? WE DO!!
So Forget-me-twat & Pooper scooper are providing the first and the best trail of 2020 AGAIN!!!!
大意就是我们2019年best hash连提名都没有,大为恼火,所以这次杀回来就是为了得奖什么的.
 
On on
The Hares
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1574: The best hash 2020
Hare: Forget-Me-Twat & Pooper Scooper
When: 13:00 on Saturday January 4th
Where: Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0-6 yo free, 7-12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, FREE FLOW and dinner.
Bring: change of clothes, umbrella, shoes, snacks, babies for Forget-me-twat and virgins for Pooper scooper

Run #1573: ‘The Soft, Flaccid and Placid Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,

Christmas is over and the New Year is cumming on quick. This is Hiking Club’s last opportunity to give you the gift she’s been holding back all year; the softest trail of the year. Just like your ex on a Friday night, this trail will have way too much alcohol and become disappointingly soft but maybe, just maybe, Hiking Club can find a bit of length in her pocket of trails or under a bush somewhere and somehow redeem herself.

On On!
The Hares
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1573: The Soft, Flaccid and Placid Hash
Hare: Hiking Club
When: 13:00 on Saturday December 28
Where: Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: change of clothes, swimsuit, umbrella, shoes, snacks & a virgin.

Run #1572: ‘The 12 K of Hashmas Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,

On the first day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
A Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the second day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the third day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Three Hellish Climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the fourth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the fifth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the sixth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the seventh day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Seven Ayis Farming
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the eighth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Eight Shushus Riding
Seven Ayis Farming
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the ninth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Nine Gay Men Dancing
Eight Shushus Riding
Seven Ayis Farming
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
aand a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the tenth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Ten Chickens Clucking
Nine Gay men Dancing
Eight Shushus Riding
Seven Ayis Farming
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the eleventh day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Eleven Dogs a Barking
Ten Chickens Clucking
Nine Gay Men Dancing
Eight Shushus Riding
Seven Ayis Farming
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On the twelfth day of Hashmas
my true love sent to me:
Twelve Hasher Singing
Eleven Dogs a Barking
Ten Chickens Clucking
Nine Gay Men Dancing
Eight Shushus Riding
Seven Ayis Farming
Six Geese a Roastin’
Five Harbins
Four Flasks of Wine
Three Hellish climbs
Two Lost Hares
and a Full Bucket of Hash Beer

On on
The hares
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1572: The 12 K of Hashmas Hash
Hare: Hiking club and Surprise on the Thighs
When: 13:00 on Saturday December 21
Where: Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: change of clothes, umbrella, shoes, snacks for hiking club & a virgin.

Run #1571: ‘The Hold Your Breath Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
There’s a lot to hold your breath for on this Saturday’s Guangzhou Hash:
 
First off, while the real hashers ascend and slide along the slopes of Baiyunshan, several harriettes in the fairer half of the kennel will be dolling themselves up for the big night. Instead of sitting at home and wondering what kind of war paint the harriettes are plastering onto their faces as they prepare for a night on the prowl, spend your time getting a little dirt under your fingernails and a buzz on to get your own ugly self ready for the soiree.
 
Speaking of Baiyunshan – if you were on last week’s trail, you might have noticed what appeared to be a Kleenex and peanut butter graveyard about 14 km into the ballbuster trail. If you see anything like this on Saturday’s run, it is advised you hold your breath until the GM is around to drown out any other aromatic annoyances. This is especially important considering the tendencies of this week’s cohere:
 
TURTLEHEAD! I mean, cough, cough MAYBE Turtlehead. We’ve all seen this movie before, so it’s your choice whether you’re dumb enough to hold your breath and wait for another one of Turtlehead’s
 
BEST TRAIL EVER!
 
Cum Saturday and hold your breath for the handsome harriettes, the shitty but not shiggy trail, and (at your own risk) the Guangzhou Hash’s favorite maybe/possibly/prollynot cohare!
 
 
On On!
-The Hare(s?)
 
PS – Last few tickets available for the GZH3 Christmas Party & Annual Awards! Contact Hash Cash or GM ASAP.
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1571: The Hold Your Breath Hash
Hares: Three Inches of Pain and….gasp….maybe Turtlehead
When: Saturday, December 14th – 1:00pm SHARP!
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for transport, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, change of shoes, ample bronchial volume.

Run #1570: ‘The Baiyun Ballbreaker Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
Cum Cannon and one of his haring harem began the Baiyun Ballbreaker tradition in 2016 as a way to prove that Baiyun Mountain still had a purpose besides hauling ayis up the mountain in glorified golf carts for photo shoots and fast food at the top.
 
Shoeless Ho, the venerable and venereal ex-ex-ex-ex-GM of the Guangzhou Hash, along with Scratch-n-Sniff, continued this annual escapade in 2017 by accidentally setting 18km on the first hot-n-humid day of the year, causing the circle to consist of a bunch of dehydrated hashers mumbling “heeshahasherthrooranthroo” before seeking refuge at the bottom of a soju bottle in Sanyuanli.
 
One year ago, a fit Womb Raider helped a bloke half her age through the mountainous midnight after he realized a GZH3 ballbuster was a liiiittle different than what he was used to in Bangkok.
 
We go back to the Holiest of Happy Guangzhou Hashing Grounds this Saturday for the BAIYUN BALLBREAKER.
 
Walkers and Runners trail available also!!!
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1570: The Baiyun Ballbreaker Hash
Hares: Three Inches of Pain and Just Eros
When: Saturday, December 7th – 1:00pm SHARP!
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, change of shoes, balls.