2008 and earlier

#595 – The Fuehrer’s Beard Hash

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Fri Night Gossip

Let’s start the weekend chronologic- cally with some Fri night gossip: 8.30 pm. StrapOn received a call from a well-known French lady, panic in her voice: “’Ey, I’m in the Australian Bar. Where ees ev’rybody? Nobody is ‘ere! Did I mees a big party?” Well, that would obviously have been a real blow to her self esteem. Luckily it was just a quiet night and Platterpuss soon came to the rescue to render her some company. A bit later the two were on the way to the Cave. Again the panicking voice: “Oh sheet, I forgot my sweater. Let’s go back and get it. Oh no, it’s too far. I can get it next week. Or maybe I will call somebody to get it for me.” Still a bit later inside the Cave: “Oh, I’m wearing my sweater!” Are we a little bit confused?

Still very much later Claudia and Vera were trying to carry a coma- tose Bert home (his home as I un- derstand). Half way there in the taxi Vera experienced a warm wet feel- ing on her shoe. A proof that his vi- tal body functions were still working. And a tough test for her Timberlands.

And now to something complete different.


Hit and Run

Saturday 2.15 p.m. the hash bus had its usual problems to man- oeuvre downhill around the corner by the Taojin KFC. Another black limo with white license plates was recklessly parked in harm’s way. It didn’t help much either that the bus’s braking system had it’s last overhaul when Zhu Rongji had his first acne. Whoops. Touché! The black limo did an obvious jolt. Or not? The bus driver was already on the way out to check the situa- tion. But an alert Rugburns blocked his way. “Ayah, come on! Nothing happened. And nobody has seen it. And we are in a hurry.” [Transcript from Cantonese guttural sounds] It must have been very convincing, since the driver climbed back into his seat and we hit the road.

Apart from the braking system the bus was also lacking any hint of suspension, so the bus ride felt like a journey inside a huge vibrator. While unfazed Vera was nodding away and Yan Can Suck gave her best impression of an inflight atten- dant (“Beer anybody?”) Face Plant and Doggy Style were having an in-depth conversation about the merits of romance novels.

And where were we going? Panyu again? Yes again, but hares Dick Magnet, StrapOn and Screwer had managed to find a small stretch of virgin hash grounds that had some- how escaped detection all those years. And it was about bloody time, since the bulldozers were already moving in on it. So, it won’t prob- ably be around much longer.


A Doggy Run

For most parts the trail was marked by plenty of terrasses, ditches and dogs. In other words: Doggy Syle’s nightmare run. Not only did No Pulse and Chris commit flagrant acts of chivalry helping her about a divide, she also needed to be guided by two other hashers away from the canines.

At the same time Face Plant tried his hypnotic skills to subdue one of the pack, but succeeded only in the dog trying to attack him. He was only saved by the short chain.

For a short minute ‘Hash ‘Orn finally managed to run in front. The horn was so surprised, it promptly went into shock and ceased all signs of life.

Towards the end of the run, when we could almost smell the bus, the

ares lead us across another f*#*- ing hill, without any visible trail and the nice feature of completely over- grown stone slabs, trenches and grave sites. Not a few hashers were drawing first blood here. On the last meters Doggy Style and Sunny produced a film-worthy sprint to avoid the Shiggy award, but it ended in a draw.


Hitler’s Beard

The circle started in a bit of a mess with half of the girlie section still watering the bushes and Caveman forgetting to introduce the returnees. And Face Plant, who was still sit- ting when the circle opened, was given the opportunity to do so in its midst on a piece of ice (“It’s wet!”).

Platterpuss presented the latest edition of That’s featuring Skidmarks in the obligatory Q&A section giving his opinion about valentine’s day. Although his photo looked like it had been taken just before his first job interview he showed true GZH3 spirit, being the third featured GZ hasher mentioning barber shops.

Pussysniffer got a down down for phoning in the circle (“Are you ready for your beer?”) and Bert for his Björn Borg underpants. And all the time Dick Magnet was smooch- ing cigarettes like there was no to- morrow (“Only one today!”) When the circle ended he must have re- lieved Yan Can Suck of half a pack.

The hash was ended at the Jiangxi Restaurant in Huanshi Dong Lu where Platterpuss and Screwer pre- sented an unforgettable Hitler imi- tation with the help of black funghi.

On On   Caveman

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