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2012

#1167 – The Bastille Storming Hash

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Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

Saturday is the circa 200th anniversary of the French Revolution. The Internet knows exactly what happened back then. Here is a fair summary of the events:

‘Cake, always only cake, I can’t see it anymore! I want to eat bread!’ Robespierre was really upset about Marie Antoinette’s latest directive which ordered French citizens to eat cake instead of bread. His best buddy Danton couldn’t agree more. Unlike Robespierre, who disliked cake with kind of a religious zeal, Danton couldn’t get enough of it. But he had become fat and lazy from eating all that sweet junk, and both, his wife and his mistress, wouldn’t stop nagging about it. Robespierre and Danton were truly desperate, and something drastic had to be done.

‘Let’s storm the Bastille’, Danton suggested, not because it made any sense at all, but because the infamous prison was really nearby. Robespierre agreed, and they talked a few neighbors into joining them. The rest is history. They set the criminals free, beheaded the king and the queen, then the neighbors, and finally each other. The latter wasn’t an overly smart thing to do though, and ever since historians from all over the world (except for France) have more than once persuasively concluded that, if Americans and/or Germans had organized the French revolution, it would not have ended in such a mess, and France might even be a pleasant place to visit nowadays.

The mismanagement of the Guangzhou Hash has analyzed the fatal errors that were made back then and is even a little bit determined not to repeat them. In their shoreless wisdom they have therefore not ordered an All-French team to hare this Saturday, but rather an American-German one. ‘At least, this way the hashers won’t run around like headless chickens trying to find flour’, commented one realistic French observer when she heard the news.

However, it seems that every Hash has to have one or two misfits, and ours’ started to rumble when the above was publicly announced during yesterday’s Hash press conference. ‘Can you only come up with boring historical themes?’ was what these completely unhistorical subjects demanded to know.

No, we do not necessarily have to rewrite or reenact history Saturday after Saturday again. We can also come up with some more current bullshit. With our new crystal hash ball we are even able to look into the future; and the mismanagement would like to share with you one dirty secret that has been revealed recently. The Guangzhou Hash is facing a partial vegetarian future! After Saturday, we won’t get Meatballs anymore. Damn.

So be all there when it is finally time to sing ‘fuck off you o…p*, fuck off’ to him.

When:                    Bastille Day, Saturday, July 14th, 2012, @ 1.30 PM

Where:                  Gold Mango Bar

What:                    No Cake

What else:            Meatballs giving his final religious advice

Who:                     Mark and 00

On On,

00

*you can of course also sing the good old ‘s..d’ instead

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