Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
What do you associate with Scotland? Well, there are two correct answers to this question. If you are not Chinese, you probably have just shouted out ‘haggis!’, haven’t you? See, I knew it. What? You came up with Guinness? Oh dear.
However, if you are Chinese, and in particular if you are Cantonese, you probably just imagined a bunch of Scottish sailors – may their name be Jardine, Dent or whatever – bringing opium to Guangzhou and the rest of China. No doubt that you also associate Scottish sailors with the lost opium wars and the unequal treaties.
Hashers, I don’t know what is more harmful to your health, haggis or opium. Whatsoever, bottom line is that basically everyone has a good reason to be upset about them Scots. So it came a bit of a surprise when two otherwise formidable Scottish hashers, sailors both of them, stood up during the hash press conference at the Mango Bar very late last night to announce their candidacy for being Saturday’s hares.
‘We want to rright ourr wrroongs’, said one Paddy MacDonald*, a highlander with a nearly unintelligible accent. ‘Instead of opium, we want to bring our similarly addictive Best Hash Ever to the people of Guangzhou, and instead of haggis we are going to serve the best that Chinese cuisine has to offer.’
At this moment Hello Sailor drew his long thrusting dagger (I always forget the correct expression for it. It is the dagger that all Scotsmen carry when outside their own house and also often when inside) and made some uncontrolled moves with it in order to emphasize what his co-hare had just told us.
Needless to say that no other volunteers came forward after this, and so everyone happily endorsed the two hares. So, all of ye, cum to the Scottish Sailors Hash.
When: Saturday, February 2, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Two Scottish sailors