Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
When late last night Angelina Blow Me announced her upcuming retirement from the Guangzhou Hash emotions at the Gold Mango rose to new record heights. In fact so high that the air was getting really thin inside the bar, leaving some hashers desperately gasping for breath and others devoutly ejaculating to subjects who supposedly live in a place even further up*. ‘Oh dear gods, why are you tormenting us so much?’ and ‘Please, lords in the heavens, why do you take away from us the very purpose of our existence?’ were only the less pathetic prayers I was misfortunate enough to overhear**.
Hashers, this Saturday is all about Angelina Blow Me and not about us! So, let’s not be such self-centered sissies. Let us instead focus on how we can make her feel really miserable about fucking off and leaving us behind. After all, the poor girl is not only leaving Guangzhou, but also China, or for that matter, Asia. How will she cope with the new challenges such as the strange foreign food, or the cultural shock when she eventually realizes that Western people can be nice, too?
‘Don’t worry’, explained a very laid-back Angelina Blow Me her ever-pragmatic approach on life, ‘before people’s nicety is going to break my ovaries I’ll join the Boston Hash****’.
So, cum all to say farewell to Angelina Blow Me.
When: Saturday, August 3, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: Papasan & Angelina Blow Me
*where the air so incredibly thin that the Religious Advisor of the GZH3 recommends staying the hell outta there. Now, and also during your after-life.
**needless to say that I despise the degrading political incorrectness*** of this prayer I felt disgusted the very moment I made it up. It’s an outrage.
***there cannot only be lords in the heavens. And if so I can imagine a lot of better things to do than going to one of their sausage fests, aka ‘parties’.
****The Boston Hash has reportedly becum a favorite hang-out for ex-Guangzhou Hashers, so it’s fair to assume that it’s probably a very good one.