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Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
‘We will have a bus on Saturday’, announced a thrilled hare during last night’s hash press conference, and upon hearing such news one might have expected grateful cheering from the pack at the Mango Bar. But there’s always one dark HORSE in every herd, and ours ruined the moment when he commented loud and indignantly ‘And if wishes were HORSES, beggars would ride. No, no, don’t believe a word of what the hare says, that’s all just HORSE droppings, that’s what it is. The mismanagement never organizes a bus on Chinese New Year because it is too cheap to pay the holiday bonus for the driver.’
It took a while for the hare to make himself heard again over the commotion. ‘If I were you I wouldn’t bet on the wrong HORSE’, he vividly warned the pack. ‘We’ve found a breath-taking trail, virginal and all. The up-hills are so easy they’ll make the down-hills seem difficult. You really don’t want to miss this one.’
‘It certainly won’t need any wild HORSES to drag me there on Saturday,’ an enthusiastic hasher agreed exuberantly. ‘The weather is perfect, and there is simply nothing better to do than to hang out with the hash crowd. Unless, of course, you’ll have your in-laws in town. That’s a HORSE of a completely different color altogether. Then you’ll probably want to spend as much time as possible in their exhilarating company.’
Such a naïve statement can only come from a younger single male with absolutely no husbandly pre-condition, while more experienced members of our species generally consider any constellation that involves their apartment and their in-laws at the same time as the ultimate challenge, and any excuse, even the hash, is welcome to get the fudge out of the house. They are so grateful that they don’t even care whether there is a bus or not. They never complain because they know better than to look a gift HORSE in the mouth. They know that they don’t have to hold their HORSES during the circle; that they can eat as a HORSE at a fine restaurant, and then, when finally on the bus back to the city, even stop to see a man or two about a HORSE. And during all this time they can HORSE about as much as they wish.
I don’t want to beat a dead HORSE here, but I have to say it one more time: it really can’t get any better than this.
When: Saturday, February 1, 2014 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
What: A HORSE-shoe-shaped trail
Dinner: Take a wild guess
Hares: Cum Cannon & 00
Words of Wisdom from the Grand Master’s New Year’s address to the Hash:
“If you were born in the Year of the HORSE you’d better wear red panties on Saturday, otherwise the panty police will cum and get you.”
In this spirit On On,
00