Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
AS YOU KNOW, many wonderful things such as paper, gun powder, book printing, the compass, noodles, pizza and modern day football were invented in China. But not many people are aware that also Halloween derives from the Middle Kingdom.
According to the results of the recent research study ‘On the origin of Halloween’ the ancient Halloween was a festivity for which the pre-revolutionary masses dressed up as terrifying as possible to scare the shit out of their neighbors. When Chinese engineers went to the USA to mastermind the construction of the American railway system they brought along with them the amiable custom of Halloween; and hell, did they scare the shit out of their new neighbors. However, some things got lost in time and translation and instead of being scary everyone now is only trying to look cute.
This is of course a sacrilege for a Halloween purist like Papasan. Such twisting of the ancient rites doesn’t go down well with him, in fact, it goes down even worse with him than it did with the unsuspecting neighbors when the Chinese engineers first introduced them to the spirit of the true Halloween. As the undisputed authority* on all Halloween-related matters on the Guangzhou Hash and author of the before-mentioned research paper he strongly campaigned for a Scary Helloween Hash during the Hash Press Conference at the Mango Bar late last night, threatening everyone daring to show up with whiskers painted onto their cheeks to be served with warm beer throughout the circle dinner**.
You may claim that anyone could cum up with such Chinese Halloween nonsense or that it is the devil’s work, and so did some of our sharper hashers. But, Ladies and Gentlemen, do you really believe that the mismanagement would be so irresponsible and publish the feces of an artiodactyl in a hashvertisement without having made sure that it is in fact cuming from an artiodactyl? Lol. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard all day! No, we aren’t that gullible. In fact we have located another hash renowned expert on the history of the ancient Halloween and asked him to peer-review Papasan’s results, and according to Cunt Compass’s findings there wasn’t the slightest hint of a flaw in the entire paper and that it is therefore best to be considered as scientifically bullet-proof. Both of them also promised to set the ‘Best Helloween Hash Ever’ if we’d stop digging any deeper. And that no one did, because Papasan and Cunt Compass are both hashers of their word.
So, pick your scariest clothes and get ready to run and party in them.
When: Thursday, October 31st, 2013 @ 7.30PM
Where: Gongyuanqian Station, Lines 1 & 2, Exit F
Who: Papasan & Compass Cunt
What: Best Annual Helloween Hash Ever
What else: DRESS SCARY!!! It’s Halloween
*Papasan has won the grand prize for the ‘Best Helloween Costume’ twice and is now aiming for his third consecutive win
**or should it be called dinner circle?