When the hares went out scouting this week, it was a bit like the scene in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy exclaims, “Fucking hell, Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore” (or something to that effect). It turns out these hares weren’t back home in the Good ole’ USA, either.
Armed with a limited Chinese vocabulary and the latest and greatest in Chinese mobile technology (also quite limited), the hares stumbled their stupid Midwestern selves around Guangzhou before finding this week’s hash trail.
But fear not, Hashers of Guangzhou, for what these hares lack in Chinese language, their Ohio and Michigan heritage qualify them as White Trash. Our hares even look the part; one having stopped shaving when welfare benefits ceased paying for razor blades, the other looking like he’s had a few too many frozen burritos from said benefits.
White Trash is also a label that can also be applied to the trail they’ve set. Parts of this trail will look like a Michigan family reunion, with KFC buckets and used meth spoons lying around. Other parts might look like the Southern Ohio wilderness, with mysterious, virgin trails hiding moonshine (baijo) stills and grizzly mountain men chasing virgins. And like the virgins of the Midwest US, this trail is set to lose its virginity to some creepy older men who’ve had too much to drink.
Yes, Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash, we will be that creepy, molesting, drunken uncle this weekend (the only difference is that we will first do the deflouring, and then drink the PBR). On On!
What: Guangzhou Hash Run #1319
Hares: Tom & Three Inches of Pain (America, fuck yeah!)
Where: Gold Mango Bar – Taojin Metro Exit B
When: Saturday, April 18, 2015 – 1:00 PM