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2015

#1321 – The Perfect Lover Hash

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Finding the perfect trail is like finding the perfect lover. We often look loooong and haaaard to find her while, unbeknownst to us, she’s lied waiting to be taken in a familiar and nearby location all along. After a tireless search that saw the hares scour every massage parlor and sauna from Baiyun[1] to Panyu[2] and every opium den and whorehouse from Haizhu[3] to Dongguan[4], the perfect lover….errr, cough cough….the perfect trail has been found.

Now some may say that the perfect lover is a naive and innocent virgin waiting to be plucked from her hallowed pedestal. In much the same way, some say that the perfect hash trail is a serene, untouched, challenging trail laid down by the Hash Gods to be defloured on a glorious Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately, folks, we are in China. So much like a Guangzhou hasher must often settle for a Somali hooker or Cave Bar waitress on Saturday night[5], the hares have chosen a trail with a little more experience and tricks up her sleeve.

Rest assured, dear Hashers, this perfect trail will have her own unmolested and virginal parts, too. Despite her sordid past, this trail has some unexplored and mysterious places that she is waiting to share with a hasher like you. With a little bit of luck and effort, you might be the first hasher to cum through and discover her secrets[6]

This trail…like a shy, but insatiable lover…has been quietly calling “take me!!!”

Fear not, ladies and gentleman…for the Guangzhou Hash will answer her call this Saturday.

 

What: Guangzhou Hash Run #1321

Hares: Cum Cannon & Three Inches of Pain

Where: Gold Mango Bar – Taojin Metro Exit B

When: 1:00PM, Saturday May 2nd.

 

[1] The hares would like to thank Jelly Baby for sharing his extensive knowledge of massage parlors, saunas, whorehouses, and saunas in Baiyun.

[2] The hares would like to thank Hello Sailor for sharing his extensive knowledge of massage parlors, saunas, whorehouses, and saunas in Panyu.

[3] The hares would like to thank Constipation for sharing his extensive knowledge of massage parlors, saunas, whorehouses, and saunas in Haizhu.

[4] The hares would like to thank Snot for sharing his extensive knowledge of massage parlors, saunas, whorehouses, and saunas in Dongguan.

[5] The hares would like to…again…thank Jelly Baby for his extensive knowledge of Somali hookers and Cave Bar waitresses.

[6] Gorf is in Chiang Mai, so your chances of doing the deflouring are slightly increased this week.

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