As Cum Cannon arrives into New York Harbor aboard a syphilis-ridden ship filled with rotting potatoes and Italians shooting dice, he’ll pass by that iconic symbol of the American Dream and Americans’ ever-welcoming attitude toward refugees. He’ll read the famous inscription that millions of alcoholics, army cannon fodder, and jihadists have read before him. He’ll read to himself with a smile on his face and a tear in his eye, “Give me your poor (Yes, that’s CC. Fucking Chinese economy), Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free (Finally free of Guangzhou’s PM2.5 level of 138, heading to NYC’s PM2.5 level of 131), The wretched(Excellent adjective to use in connection with CC) of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me (Send some good beer while you’re at it, too), I lift my lamp beside the golden door (Tramps and whores? Yes!).” We wish Cum Cannon only the best in whatever lies ahead (Sounds like, sounds like…). Let’s fuck him off properly on Saturday.
While CC seeks new shores and a plethora of freedoms that make all other nations communist red with envy, Double-00 looks to expand his geographical footprint across China in true German fashion. Hong Kong became too crowded, Shanghai became too trendy, and now Cantonese food has became too bland for our Dearly Departing Uberhashmeister. In search of a little Lebensraum (or “Living Space” as a certain political party marketed it to their people in the 1930s…) and better food, Double-00 and his spicy sidekick Angry Dragon are fucking (off to Hunan). Speaking at his final GZH3 press conference (sponsored by Mango Bar), Double-00 took to the microphone in a fiery diatribe, “Ve’re going to march into Yingde and ve’re going to schtrike! Ve’re going to check ze checks! Ve’re going to blitz ze mountains! And zen ve’re going to Changsha! VE’RE GOING TO….TO….ummmm, excuse me ladies und gentlemen I have a phone call. Yes honey? Vhat? Really? Oh I see. But honey…but….okay. Yes dear. Yes dear. Mmhmm, I love you too. Um, ladies und gentlemen of ze Guangzhou Hash, ze Yingde Fuckoff Weekend has been postponed again. I vill see you all in June for ze best fuckoff weekend ever!”
Luckily the Yingde Fuckoff weekend WILL remain as “originally” planned despite Angry Dragon’s pedicure appointment. We meet early at 10:30am on Saturday at the Mango Bar, and you should note these particular pieces of information:
1. Early departure! Arrive at 10:30am!
2. Bring a lunch for the bus on Saturday. Better yet, bring some to share.
3. Bring two pairs of shoes if possible. Things might get a little dirty on Saturday….
4. Bring your passport for hotel check-in.
5. Return to Mango Bar sometime in the early evening on Sunday night.
6. Saturday: 10:30am!
Where: Mango Bar – Taojin Metro Exit B