Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
I admit, I had expected some strong reactions to last week’s hashvertisement, but I was surprised by the extent of blame I had to take during last night’s highly emotional Hash press conference at an amazingly fancy restaurant with an unpronounceable Chinese name.
‘A slap in the face of good hashers’ was probably the kindest accusation against me, while most other accusations were such obscene that I am not willing to repeat them. Even the usually very charming Ms. Mi Tuhai from the Health Department warned me in a sharp voice that ‘such kind of “trashvertisements” will cause severe seizures of inferiority complexes in innocent hashers’.
At one point even the otherwise moderate Thumbleprints chimed in.
‘It is an abomination’ she said ‘how the GM treats people who’d give their heart blood for the Guangzhou Hash. I herewith demand that the names of the hares ought to be mentioned in EACH and EVERY hashvertisement!’
Thumbleprints is of course right. My last “trashvertisement” was lousy! Not because of what I wrote, but because of what I didn’t, and I herewith wholeheartedly apologize to the hares of last week’s run, Fingerlicker and Bastian, and to Thumbleprints (trail consultant). I hope the three do accept my apology, and not pour out any more of that filth over me. In order to soothe them further, I’d like to repeat Thumbleprints’ moving speech. (Not in full though, but only the part that followed the fulmination against me.)
‘Although no one knew who the hares were, she said in a loud and trembling voice that literally sent shivers down my spine, ‘62 people showed up at the Mango Bar. It was a long and very tough run, but no hasher got lost. 61 out of the 62 enjoyed every single meter of the trail, and also Hunkaspunk changed his mind about the run after a dozen beers, when he finally got back to funny. The exhausting run had made everyone so hungry that no one skipped the dinner. According to hash statistics, this has NEVER happened before in the history of the Guangzhou Hash. The bus got back at 10 PM, and in true hash spirit most people stayed on at the Mango for a few more beers. One would have expected people to go back home after that, but in fact the hashers split up into two groups, one heading for the Cave Bar and the other for a local KTV parlor. I want to compliment the hares (Fingerlicker and Bastian, the ed.) for organizing such a great day out that indeed ended very happily.’
Bastian, anyway still being pleased by a recent personal memory of a HAPPY ENDING, thanked Thumbleprints, and said with tears of joy in his eyes:
‘After I had read the hashvertisement I had sworn that I would never hare again, but your encouraging words have made me change my mind. In fact, Christoph and I have already scouted a trail for cuming Saturday which will not only be as stunning as last Saturday’s trail, but also much longer. The walker’s trail, for instance will take three and a half hours!’
It’s always amazing to see how the mood of a bunch of drunken GZ Hashers can go from hilarious to abusive in the blink of an eye. All GM’s and ex-GM’s of the Guangzhou Hash are familiar with this phenomenon, and fear it for good reason, but for poor Bastian this was the first time to experience it. It took more than ten extremely embarrassing minutes* until he was able to make himself heard again, when he wisely promised that he would ‘skip the very good half of the trail, and only use the extremely good other half of it. And as a special treat, we will arrange for a cool water hole at the B-point, so don’t forget to bring your swim gear.’
That was very smart of him to promise, and I see absolutely no reason why the run shouldn’t be remembered as the “Smartest Hash Ever”.
When: Saturday, August 11, 2012 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
IMPORTANT: bring your SWIM GEAR
Not to be forgotten: The hares Bastian and Christoph
*embarrassing mainly for him, although ALL of the abusive hashers have been reported getting embarrassed after they had sobered up, except for the male hashers and nearly all of the female hashers.