Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
“At this moment hares on the GZ Hash are in very tight supply and have become very valuable and precious.”
Titty Tattle, from Hash Trash #1231
I assume that by now most of you have already meticulously studied Titty Tattle’s thrilling account of last Saturday’s true events, and you probably nodded in agreement when you stumbled across the above quote. You might have thought something like, yes, the GZH3 hares are certainly highly regarded hashers, and there are surely plenty of amenable mating partners at their disposal at any given time.
This cannot possibly be any further away from the truth. During a hash-seminar* held at the Gold Mango Bar late last night one hare reported that his personal situation was so dire, he didn’t get out of his haring pants in at least a fortnight. But that wasn’t all he had to complain about.
‘And nowadays any Tom, Dick or Harry can order the GM to put the hares on ice after a perfectly fine run**. That’s not right. We want to get respect, not lose our dignity.’
‘I only followed ze order. Vat cän I do? It’s in my jeans.’ was the GM’s weak defense, and he looked as disheartened as Garbage Guts must have when he finally realized that this time the visit to the friendly animal doc had cost him his perfectly fine pair of balls.
You may say what you want about the hares, that they are a bunch of savages worth less than a bag of puke, verbally and, at times, physically abusive, and that they stop at nothing, not even at telling you ‘you’re*** modda so fat…’-jokes. But thank gods, they’ll never ever cross that invisibly fine line and mention ’ze var’ or – even worse – ‘ze …
‘Talking of which’, interrupted an unmannerly hare the narrator.
‘We must encourage more guys to cross that fine line between promising to be a hare and actually doing the job. Either that, or the Ladies of the Guangzhou Hash must cross the line and finally becum the floozies they always claim to be****.’
That was of course very well received by the assembled hares as it put in precise words what they wanted. It didn’t answer however how to achieve this, and upon realizing this, the cheering instantly died down, followed only by a heavy silence.
It is at times like this that sobriety loses all its attractions and the world is simply looking better through the bottom of a beer glass. And so the hares sought condolence in another round of beer, and another, and they kept it cuming until eventually a renegade spark of inspiration passed by the Gold Mango Bar at light speed. It noticed the compelling fragrance of its holy potion***** and made a U-turn into our hash bar, where it missed the beer atom of his desire by only a tiny fraction, and instead struck the brain****** of one of the hares who was just in the process of pouring the said beer atom down his throat.
‘Eureka! I’ve got it’, exclaimed the in such fashion enlightened hare. Let’s put the Grand Master in charge of everything, like getting more hashers to cross that line and such stuff, while in the meantime we others go on a haring strike. And let’s get another round of beer’
Then, under the praise of the other members of the recently formed Hares Labor Union of Guangzhou, its speaker, a particularly nasty hare, concluded, ‘He must be good at organizing that kind of stuff, after all, his people did not only organize World War I but also the holocaust*******’.
‘Oops, so sorry, I spilled the ink’, said the narrator.
Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, if these valuable and precious hares can so easily cross one of the few remaining fine lines of the Guangzhou Hash, why can’t you, too? BECUM A HARE. Contact Constipation********.
When: Saturday, September 14, 2013 @ 1.30 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
Hares: due to the ongoing strike of the hares: GM and AssGM
*on the topic “Hares Getting Laid – hash myth or plain nonsense?”
**see Hash Trash Run 1231 by Titty Tattle from last Monday
***or alternativley ‘Yo’
****the Commissioner for Gender Equality on the Guangzhou Hash would like to point out that this is an outrageously sexist comment. Harriettes are of course always welcum to becum hares. By the way, since Globetwatter (90+ harings, #3 in the all-time standings) fucked off we still have that opening for a new hash heroine. Application forms are with the department of gender equality. As remuneration, male hashers will prove to be exactly those sleaze bags who they so vehemently claim not to be.
*****beer is not only the holy potion for us hashers but also that of inspirational sparks. The more often the sparks refresh themselves with it, the more likely it gets that they miss their target and then it becomes highly likely that they are going to hit a beer drinker instead. This probably explains why so many great ideas are born under the influence of large quantities of beer.
******It hit the area of the brain that is in charge of smart-ass talking and bad-ass ideas. Unfortunately, this area is substantially much bigger than the one that is responsible for cuming up with workable solutions. This, I think, explains a lot, too.
*******Urrgh. Vas that really necessary?
********at any time before the circle, i.e. before sobriety loses its attraction to him.