Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,
AS YOU KNOW, the massive drop in temperatures in Guangzhou got triggered by our Religious Advisor himself when he so carelessly auctioned off the position of stand-in RA to the highest bidder one week ago. Until today we are all still suffering from the disrespect he showed to the local weather gods, and not only since a cheeky hasher loudly demanded to skin and stake him Hunkaspunk had cum to the conclusion that painting rosy pictures of the not so distant future would be his best – and probably only – bet to live to the end of the hash press conference at the Mango Bar last night.
‘I admit to have underestimated how capricious these divinities can be’, he explained to the furious pack. Despite the cold he was sweating. ‘However, I have been spending the last week wisely, soothing them on a daily basis with at least a double dosage of sacred beer. The temperatures will therefore once again, rise in fact so much that it’ll even be worth waiting for the ice man* on Saturday should he be late again.’
It did the trick. ‘Alright then’, the cheeky hasher said leniently, ‘I believe in second chances. So let’s skip the skinning. But the mismanagement’d better please us with a mind-blowing trail.’
That was Constipation’s catchword. ‘A lot of you guys announced to go scouting during the holidays. The weather was perfect, so I assume there is no shortage of great hashes during the next weeks. Tonight, now, we will let the pack decide who shall receive the honor to be the hare this Saturday, and on the following weekends. So please step forward and introduce your trails to everyone before we vote’, the ever fearless Harerazor declared solemnly. ‘Don’t be shy, just step forward. Or if you are shy just raise your hand. Just a tiny little bit wuld be fine. Anyone ….. anyone at all … maybe someone there in the back row? No? Also not there, no? Really no one???’
The cheeky hasher was the first to interrupt the by now awkward muttering. ‘Didn’t you remind these guys to go scouting? Didn’t you realize that you have to push them every single day if you want them to do shit for you?’ he asked the Harerazor in a grave voice, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he turned to speak to the pack. ‘Hashers, thanks to these two we have to deal with shitty weather and no hares on Saturday. I say they screwed it up, so they’ve got to fix it. Let them be the hares.’
No need mentioning that this suggestion instantly got approved by the pack, and with an exceptionally long cheering. After all, we’d all appreciate getting a second chance when in need of one, wouldn’t we? Find out whether Constipation and Hunkaspunk will be able to make good use of theirs.
When: Saturday, February 15, 2014 @ 1 PM
Where: Gold Mango Bar
*A surprisingly successful follow up to the ‘rosy-picture’ strategy is the subtle ‘point-at-other-screw-ups-especially-at-those-who-aren’t-there-to-defend-themselves-and-if-they-were-still-couldn’t-because-of-their-lack-of-English’ strategy.