Categories
2015

#1326 – The Corruption-Free Hash

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Ladies & Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

As you know! 

The events at FIFA during the last week have been tumultuous for the footballing and the sporting world in general. Allegations of corruption amongst government officials and dodgy payments made to senior members of FIFA have been rife through out all of the worlds’ media. However, many of the grass roots footballing fans were left questioning why it took the FBI so long to figure this one out? As even the most ardent knuckle dragging low intelligent terrace hooligans amongst us have known about the endemic corruption within football for years. (Please no jokes about the American Intelligence being a contradiction in terms, this is serious)

In light of the recent corruption allegations surrounding FIFA, GZ Mismanagement decided there was a real need to call for an EGBM (Extraordinary General Beer Meeting) this week. Questions were asked about the Guangzhou Hash’s exposure to such allegations should they be made by the FBI in the near to distant future? Many of you may be asking why such concerns are held by our Mismanagement as we: 1) Live in China the most corruption free country in the world and 2) are a drinking club with a running problem not a running club with a drinking problem…….Council for the prosecution: “Your Honour, I present the first witness Hello Sailor, Your Honor the case for the prosecution rests”.

Well as you know, in recent weeks Guangzhou was given the honor of being awarded the 15th ever China Nash Hash next year. We at the Guangzhou hash all know that this is thoroughly deserved as we are the best hash in China, with the best hares, the best trails, the friendliest hashers and almost the best beer. But, could mismanagement prove the award was made without dodgy payments to shady officials in dark corners of KTV and massage parlors? There have after all been reports of many false trails that mysteriously lead in and out of such places in recent weeks and months.

Tensions were so high in the Gold Mango Bar that our much beloved GM stood up and emphatically said that he would crush any corruption on the GZ Hash like a British tank can crush a German car.

Our official record keeper the Hash Trash, stood up and said “Believe me it is with great relief to the GZ Mismanagement team that Sepp Blatter has finally accepted his “fucked off chash” as we were beginning to think that Soggy Biscuits’ all time record number of 999 “fuck off hashes” was in real danger of being broken. This is something that we just could not be allowed to happen and would have resulted in drastic action being taken”. What that action would have been was lost in the shouts of “More Beer, More Beer” from the braying audience.

Next up, the Hash Cash categorically stated that “There are no records what so ever kept of any monetory transactions taking place on the GZ hash and certainly none cleared through New York and in USD$”. In fact the Hash Cash bemoaned that amount of money being collected each week rarely made enough to pay the bus driver these days due the current levels of excessive beer consumption being observed. But with the Germans, Dutch, Americans and French all trying to compete with Hello Sailor on beer consumption she saw no way that we would ever have enough money to place in a Swiss bank account anyway. “The only way for us to come back into profit would be for Hello Sailor to get a job”. She also went on to say that this could also be why the bus keeps breaking down as without paying the bus driver he can’t afford the maintenance bills after each hash.

Anyway that brings us to this weeks Hash.

What we can guarantee  

1) It is absolutely corruption free and your 50 RMB will be spent on the bus or beer.

2) We will meet 13:00 (1 PM) at the Gold Mango Bar

3) The bus departs 13:30 (1:30 PM) for Panyu Dishuiyan Forest Park

4) Route is A to B

5) Walker, easy runner and shiggy runner trials.

5) Restaurant is at the B point.

6) Hares – Hello Sailor, Bone Dry & Little Semen

7) It will be the best hash in Guangzhou this Saturday.

We can not guarantee this

The weather, the bus making to or back from the run site and your safety ……………….. On On

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