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GZH3 Run 1452: The Stache is Back
Within the past few hours, a true luminary of debauchery and lasciviousness has passed on to the great orgy in the sky. Hugh Hefner; founder of Playboy magazine, proprietor of The Bunny Ranch, and the hero and role model of many a Guangzhou Hasher has died of natural causes* at the age of 91. While the world mourns and scores of ex-wives wait for their share of the estate, this weekend’s hare was a bit torn up over the matter…
Turtlehead first gazed upon Hefner’s work as a boy of 12 or 13 whilst visiting his Uncle Charly’s cabin in rural New Hampshire. After discovering the musty and time-stained November 1979 edition of Playboy in a bathroom closet, the young Turtle seemed to develop a headache whenever called by Mother to pick blueberries and suddenly grew ill when his young cousins wanted to skip rocks down by the old mill. Over the next week, his familiarity with Phyllis McCreary’s naughty bits and the strength of his own wrist blossomed into a new-found renaissance of self-awareness. Upon his family’s return home, young Turtle found solace and temporary comfort in Mariah Carey music videos and the ‘nightwear’ section of Mother’s Sears catalog, but he longed for the printed work of the Hef and the warm, tingling feeling it provided him**.
Years later, the Great Hare of the Guangzhou Hash – Turtlehead – pays homage to a legend by setting a trail fit for a Playboy shoot. There will be a bushy and voluptuous trail, cold drinks and women aplenty, and most importantly, Hugh Hefner will become an honorary member of the Guangzhou Hash! All we need for a Best Hash Ever is a Hef lookalike for the circle…hmmm….
*Viagra overdose?
**That warm, tingling feeling was restored when Turtle’s neighbor Dylan showed him the crate of nudie mags underneath his Dad’s basement pool table.
What: GZH3 Run #1453 – The Hugh Hefner Appreciation Hash
When: Saturday, September 30th. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead & Hugh Hefner (in spirit)
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#1477: The Global Warning Tips
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of The Guangzhou Hash, Global Warming is an enormous problem globally, but especially for the Dutch and their low level country. this inescapable fact led the Hare of this week, Hunkaspunk, to China finding a safe space in the back country of GZ. He paired up with mountaineering expert Lost Sausage to find a natural pace in the mountains to get the belly cooled from outside and inside to survive even the hot and shitty lobal warming days.
So get READY for the BEST HASH EVER with a cold pool, cold beer, and global warming tips.
WHAT: GZH3 Run #1447: The Global Warning Safe House Hash
WHEN: Saturday, August 19th, 1:00PM *GERMAN STYLE (ON TIME)*
WHERE: Mango Bar, Taojin Exit B (Metro Line 5)
HARES: Lost Sausage & Hunkaspunk
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#1442: The “Proper” Hash
The "Proper" Hash
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#1436 The No Means Yes Hash
Ladies & “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
No Means No received his hash name by regularly turning down requests from fellow hashers. “No, I don’t think I need another beer;” “No, I don’t think that it’s my responsibility to scream at that innocent man over there;” and “No, you’ve had too much to drink and I don’t think it’s appropriate to be touching each other” can frequently be heard during or after the Hash.
This week’s run, however, will mark a departure from his refusing ways as No Means No says YES to the Guangzhou Hash!
YES, there will be BALLBUSTER trail this Saturday.
YES, there will be a regular runner’s trail.
YES, there will be a walker’s option. 3 trails!
YES’ 1972 album ‘Fragile’ was pure genius.
YES, Saturday’s trail will be long and hard
YES, there will be swimming at the B Point.
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, that porn video was so great!
YES, there will be finger-lickin-good roasted chicken at Saturday’s restaurant.
What will you ask No Means No to do on Saturday? Just remember – he can’t refuse because, after all, it’s the No Means Yes Hash. On On Saturday for trailin’, swimmin’, and finger-lickin’-chikin’ at the GZH3!
What: GZH3 Run #1436 – The No Means Yes Hash
When: Saturday, June 3rd. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP (Hiking Club meets at 2:00PM)
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: No Means No & Three Inches of Pain
Looking ahead – the GZH3 travels to Dongguan for the 3rd Pearl River Delta Hash with the Dongguan H3 and Shekou H3. The DGH3 is setting a fantastic trail, finishing at their Hash bar for a circle, and finishing with a BBQ free flow! Space is limited to one bus, so contact Three Inches or Womb Raider to register, or pay at the Mango Bar on Saturday. Going to be another great PRD Hash!
Cost is RMB 200 per hasher and includes a commemorative PRD patch. If you’re still thirsty after two hours, start a tab. If you suck at life, the Dongguan hash has also been overly-generous in providing Vegetarian and Non-Drinking options. Sigh…
70RMB – Bus, trail, patch. (Purchase food and drink on your own)
140RMB – Bus, trail, drinks. (Purchase food on your own)
140RMB – Bus, trail, BBQ dinner. (Purchase drinks on your own)
200RMB – Bus, trail, drinks, BBQ! What’s not to love?!?!
What: GZH3 Run #1438 & PRD Hash #3 – The No Means Yes Hash
When: Saturday, June 17th. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP (Hiking Club meets at 2:00PM)
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: Dongguan Hash
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
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#1437 The Magical Mystery Tour
Ladies & “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
After last week’s beautiful weather, stunning trail, and incident-free bus ride back to Mango Bar, the Harerazor could think of no better gift to the GZH3 than to have Three Inches of Pain set another trail this Saturday!
Buckle-in for another allegedly alluring trail, supposed swim spot at the B point, and purportedly problem-free bus ride….not to mention Cum Cannon’s fifty-fourth fake fuck-off hash. After last week’s Hash, you don’t know what you’ll find as we board Mr. Lu’s bus of mystery once again.
On On Saturday for more mayhem on what is sure to be an improvement to the GZH3Magican Mystery Tour.
What: GZH3 Run #1437 – The Magical Mystery Tour
When: Saturday, June 10th. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP (Hiking Club meets at 2:00PM)
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: Cum Cannon, Three Inches of Pain, & Just Fei Fei
NEXT WEEK – the GZH3 travels to Dongguan for the 3rd Pearl River Delta Hash with the Dongguan H3 and Shekou H3. The DGH3 is setting a fantastic trail, finishing at their Hash bar for a circle, and finishing with a BBQ free flow! Space is limited to one bus, so contact Three Inches or Womb Raider to register, or pay at the Mango Bar on Saturday. Going to be another great PRD Hash!
Cost is RMB 200 per hasher and includes a commemorative PRD patch. If you’re still thirsty after two hours, start a tab. If you suck at life, the Dongguan hash has also been overly-generous in providing Vegetarian and Non-Drinking options. Sigh…
70RMB – Bus, trail, patch. (Purchase food and drink on your own)
140RMB – Bus, trail, drinks. (Purchase food on your own)
140RMB – Bus, trail, BBQ dinner. (Purchase drinks on your own)
200RMB – Bus, trail, drinks, BBQ! What’s not to love?!?!
We’re down to EIGHT (8) seats on the bus, so reserve your spot with myself or Womb Raider ASAP!
What: GZH3 Run #1438 & PRD Hash #3
When: Saturday, June 17th. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP (Hiking Club meets at 2:00PM)
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: Dongguan Hash
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain