Within the past few hours, a true luminary of debauchery and lasciviousness has passed on to the great orgy in the sky. Hugh Hefner; founder of Playboy magazine, proprietor of The Bunny Ranch, and the hero and role model of many a Guangzhou Hasher has died of natural causes* at the age of 91. While the world mourns and scores of ex-wives wait for their share of the estate, this weekend’s hare was a bit torn up over the matter…
Turtlehead first gazed upon Hefner’s work as a boy of 12 or 13 whilst visiting his Uncle Charly’s cabin in rural New Hampshire. After discovering the musty and time-stained November 1979 edition of Playboy in a bathroom closet, the young Turtle seemed to develop a headache whenever called by Mother to pick blueberries and suddenly grew ill when his young cousins wanted to skip rocks down by the old mill. Over the next week, his familiarity with Phyllis McCreary’s naughty bits and the strength of his own wrist blossomed into a new-found renaissance of self-awareness. Upon his family’s return home, young Turtle found solace and temporary comfort in Mariah Carey music videos and the ‘nightwear’ section of Mother’s Sears catalog, but he longed for the printed work of the Hef and the warm, tingling feeling it provided him**.
Years later, the Great Hare of the Guangzhou Hash – Turtlehead – pays homage to a legend by setting a trail fit for a Playboy shoot. There will be a bushy and voluptuous trail, cold drinks and women aplenty, and most importantly, Hugh Hefner will become an honorary member of the Guangzhou Hash! All we need for a Best Hash Ever is a Hef lookalike for the circle…hmmm….
**That warm, tingling feeling was restored when Turtle’s neighbor Dylan showed him the crate of nudie mags underneath his Dad’s basement pool table.
What: GZH3 Run #1453 – The Hugh Hefner Appreciation Hash
When: Saturday, September 30th. Meet at 1:00PM SHARP
Where: The Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B at 1:00PM (Line 5)
Hares: Turtlehead & Hugh Hefner (in spirit)
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of The Guangzhou Hash, Global Warming is an enormous problem globally, but especially for the Dutch and their low level country. this inescapable fact led the Hare of this week, Hunkaspunk, to China finding a safe space in the back country of GZ. He paired up with mountaineering expert Lost Sausage to find a natural pace in the mountains to get the belly cooled from outside and inside to survive even the hot and shitty lobal warming days.
So get READY for the BEST HASH EVER with a cold pool, cold beer, and global warming tips.
WHAT: GZH3 Run #1447: The Global Warning Safe House Hash
WHEN: Saturday, August 19th, 1:00PM *GERMAN STYLE (ON TIME)*
WHERE: Mango Bar, Taojin Exit B (Metro Line 5)
HARES: Lost Sausage & Hunkaspunk