Category: 2020

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
This week’s hash falls on the date of 6/6, which figuratively looks like a Harriette who couldn’t stand the smell of going down on her hasher via 69, couldn’t bear his breath after the bash, and just decided to turn away in bed and let him do his business while she Googled, “why does my man always have a stank about him after hashing?”
 
But enough about Pig Magnet’s personal life…
 
This week is the 66 Hash and next week is the 77 Hash. What does that mean, you ask? The answer is simple: nobody fucking knows! What we do know is this:
 
-6.6km is the approximate length of the trail, with a margin of error of about 8km. If you do 14.6km, good for you! If you do -1.4km, please inform the Hash Cash about which tech stocks are going to be hot in 2030 after you return from your time-bending wormhole.
 
-6.6 beers are rationed on average for each paid hasher. If (no, when) you bring virgins this week, make sure they’re the “I’m college student-I come practice my Engersh-drink 1 Co-Cola” type virgins to increase the quantity of said ration.
 
-6.6 is the average hotness rating of a GZH3 Harriette. Some of you outliers are doing well to pull this average up (among other things), while there’s a good number of you dragging this number down like 99 lead balloons. Drink up, boys!
 
With any luck, you’ll run 6.6, drink greater than or equal to 6.6, and go home with a 6.6 on 6/6 after the 66 Hash.
 
On On!
-Three Inches of Pain
 
What: GZH3 Run #1597 – The 66 Hash
Hares: Hunkaspunk & Lil’ Spunk
When: June 6 – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar – 100m west of Taojin Metro Exit B
Price: 130RMB for adults, 65 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash includes BUS, FREE FLOW DRINKS, and DINNER
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, more than one virgin, Towel, Umbrella, VALID/UPDATED SUIKANG CODE.

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
The bus is back (again)! You know what that means!
 
Cold blue cans!
Cold Strand cans!
Ice!
Naming!
Real hash trail! (let’s see…)
Glorious bus songs!
One short and flaccid trail for the GM!
One long and hard trail for Just Mia!
More exclamation points!!!
No police! (let’s also see…)
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
PS. Next week: The First Count von Cunt Fuckoff Hash!
 
What: Guangzhou Hash Run #1594: ‘The Bus is Back Vol. II”
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Just Eros
When: Saturday, May 16th – 13:00
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100m west of Taojin Exit B)
Price: Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, FREE FLOW drinks and dinner.
 
Bring: Change of clothes, change of shoes, valid Suikang code, a VIRGIN!

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
It’s hot. There will be cold beer and swimming tomorrow.
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
What: Guangzhou Hash Run #1593: ‘The Wet Your Whistle Hash’
Hares: Creamy Buns, The Nutcracker, Three Inches
When: Saturday, May 9th – 14:30
Where: Baiyun DongPing Metro Exit B (Line 14)
Price: Free (share dinner and beer costs)
Bring: Swimmin’ clothes, snack, Change of mask, clothes, virgin, hazmat suit, condoms, snacks, updated Suikang code…the 12345 hotline on speed dial.

What: Guangzhou Hash Run #1592: ‘Just what we needed hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk & Just Nila
When: Saturday, May 2nd, 14:30
Where: Subway line 6, Gaotangshi (高塘石站) station exit A
Price: Free (share dinner and beer costs)
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, virgin, hazmat suit, condoms, snacks, updated Suikang code…the 12345 hotline on speed dial.

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
Warning, no bus this week! Running from Kemulang subway station’s Exit B.
 
Scouting Saturday’s trail was a long and hard endeavour. Actually, it wasn’t the trail scouting that was difficult, it was the restaurant scouting that left us soft and flaccid.
 
Your loyal, devoted hares went searching for waiguo-friendly establishments and had the same success rate as No Means No finding a date. Numerous times we were turned away – but, Lo! We persisted! We stayed the course!
 
Finally, after a myriad of failures, we finally found a restaurant with a friendly proprietor who assured us it was okay to cum inside her (restaurant). The only thing concerning was the loads of Budweiser and Snow beer we saw in the fridge. We asked the kind lady if it was possible for her to have some boxes of Harbin on ice for us on Saturday.

She simply pointed to the far wall, where a temple of blue boxes was stacked in a glorious monument to debauchery, and said….

“Is 200 boxes enough for your group???”
 
ON ON!!!!!!!!!
 
-The Hares
 
PS. Wuyang IPA makes its return to the Guangzhou Hash compliments of The Strand. SUPPORT THE STRAND!
 
What: Guangzhou Hash Run #1591: ‘The 12345 Hash’
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Just Eros
When: Saturday, April 25th, 14:30
Where: Subway line 6, Kemulang station exit B
Price: Free (share dinner and beer costs)
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, virgin, hazmat suit, condoms, snacks, dirt…updated Suikang code…the 12345 hotline on speed dial.

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Changbang subway station of line 6 exit C to B point with maybe a dinner afterwards.

In 1896 a French neurologist proposed the term déjà vu to describe the case of Pin Prick, a woman of dubious reputation who suffered from amnesia as uncumfortable effect of a colossal hangover on a spring Saturday afternoon. After recovering from the hangover, Pin Prick was reported to have a vague sense of familiarity with everything that she encountered, including the events that are clearly unique and didn’t happen in the past (such as “running from Changbang subway station of line 6 exit C to B point with maybe a dinner afterwards”).

Onon

The hares!

Run: #1590 ‘The same same but different Hash’
Hares: Cumpass – Pin Prick
When: April 18th, 14:30
Where: Subway line 6, Changban station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, virgin, hazmat suit, condoms, snacks, dirt…updated Suikang code…just in case

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash.

…

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Changbang subway station of line 6 exit c with maybe a dinner afterwards.

Onon

The hares!

Run: #1589 ‘#IAmNotAVirus Hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk & Just Nila
When: April 11th, 14:30
Where: Subway line 6, Changban station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask, condoms, swimsuit, snacks, dirt