Run #1588: ‘The Spanish Armada Hash’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
The year was 1588. The embattled red-headed bastard daughter of a drunken tyrant ruled Britain. Plagued with political division in Parliament and religious schism among her people, history’s 2nd most famous virgin* stood strong and watched as her enemies were hammered against the rocks at Gravelines. Her name? Elizabeth the First.
 
The run number was 1588. The enabled fair-headed legitimate daughter of a drunken tyrant ruled the Guangzhou Hash. Plagued with political division in Mismanagement and religious schism in the circle, history’s 3rd most famous virgin ate ice cream and watched as her father’s friends got hammered against the rocks near Maofengshan. Her name? Nila the Just.
 
Just like the English attitude toward the Spanish in the year 1588, the Hash attitude in Run #1588 is don’t cum if you haven’t been in Guangdong for 14 days! BUT, the Guangzhou Hash is a bit more polite than the English* and will have a Spanish red wine (and BEER) stop to drown our Covid sorrows and salute those drowned Catholics from centuries ago.
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
*Sounds like, sounds like…
 
What: GZH3 Run #1588: ‘The Spanish Armada Hash’
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Just Eros
When: April 4th – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, virgin, VALID/UPDATED SUIKANG CODE.

Run #1587: ‘The New Normal Hash’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.
 
The Guangzhou Hash forges On On this Saturday but, cuntsidering the restless natives at many of our favorite A & B points, we’ll be setting the trail as an A-to-A in the friendly and quiet confines of the same B point that has provided shelter from the storm of a world-gone-crazy in the past few weeks. Even though our favorite pool at 10,000 Bamboos is no more, we also won’t find xenophobic stooges taking advantage of their one moment of power, either.
 
You might think an A-to-A trail sounds boring, but looking at the listed hares for Saturday’s run, you can be assured that “the same ol’ area” will still turn up something of (ill?) repute. While Saturday’s trail might “just” be an A-to-A, don’t expect it to be short or boring
 
SPECIAL NOTICE: All hashers please note and follow these 3 guidelines for attending hash:
a)       must have been in Guangdong province for more than 14 days
b)      have a valid “Suikang” code (the one that tracks your latest entry and places of stay in China) on your phone
c)       temperature check on the bus, same as any restaurant or checkpoint
 
Despite the GZH3 generally being an insane source of sanity, an idiotic escape from idiocy, and a sincere shrine of insincerity – we’re best to keep things on the up-and-up until this thing blows over.
 
On On!
-The GZH3 Mismanagement
 
 
PS. Let’s pretend that, on the bus, everyone smells like our Dear GM and we all want to keep plenty of space from one another J
 
PSS. Definitely note the “change of shoes” mentioned in the following info…

PSSS. There might be some food available at the B-point, please chip in a little if you join
 
What: GZH3 Run #1587: ‘The New Normal Hash’
Hares: The Family Hunka
When: March 28th – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, virgin, SUIKANG CODE.

Run #1586: ‘The Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love Hash’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the GZ Hash.
 
The GM of the Guangzhou Hash is full of several things. While shit, stench, and spunk are the first things that cum to mind, he is also full of love for you, his loyal subjects. His love is so strong that one could, in fact, describe his love as a BURNING LOVE.

That love cums in the form of a sweat-drenched, ominously-odorous hug for the hares after setting a trail. That love is passed precipitously through perspiration to Just Nila who tends to have a lot more hariettes hugging her before the trail than after the GM has carried her for 10km. And it is with that same love that Hunkaspunk gives to you, the unwashed masses of the Guangzhou Hash, a trail full of BURNIN LOVE this Saturday! (possibly some shiggy too)

We have a bus but NO DINNER at the B – we go back to Mango after circle. (although there will be a restaurant where you can get something for yourself after the trail)
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
PS. Let’s pretend that, on the bus, everyone smells like our Dear GM and we all want to keep plenty of space from one another!
 
What: GZH3 Run #1586: ‘The Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love Hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk, 3IOP, Just Nila & Just Nila’s Support Staff
When: March 21st – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, VIRGIN

Run #1585: ‘The Bus is Back’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the GZ Hash.
 
Remember when you were young and that certain ballad meant so much to you and that special someone? Can you still feel those cold, lonely nights when an uplifting melody from your favorite band turned your darkness into light? Do you recall those warm sunsets together with friends – singing admiration and humiliation upon the idiotic things you did that day whilst making you drink from a shoe?
 
We at The Gold Mango Bar Studios remember, and we’re proud to introduce the defining collection of those timeless hits you love – THE BUS IS BACK! These songs will bring you back to a time when life was easier; a time when life was more innocent; a time when Italians weren’t discriminated against in The China. Songs like….
 
‘Magic Bus’ by The Who
 
‘Thin Lizzy’s ‘The Bus is Back in Town,’
 
‘Hot Buss’ by The Killers
 
Don Henley’s ‘The Bus of Summer’
 
…and the song that will live forever in all our hearts…
 
‘I Like Big Bus and I Cannot Lie’ by Sir-Mix-A-Lot
 
These timeless songs of yesteryear and many many more are now available in a limited-offer, 2-CD set that can be yours for the low, low price of just $19.99. BUT, if you cum in the next 3 days before Saturday, we’ll slash your price to an unheard-of price of just 70RMB! That’s right, you get a bus, a trail, all the songs you care to hear and all the beer you care to drink for just 70RMB!
 
Act now, as this offer expires soon, and you never know when those dirty laowai might force us into having underground hashes again!  
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
PS. Let’s pretend that, on the bus, everyone smells like our Dear GM and we all want to keep plenty of space from one another!
 
What: GZH3 Run #1585: ‘The Bus is Back’  
Hares: Shoeless Ho & 3IOP  
When: March 14th – 1:00PM Sharp!  
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)  
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash  
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, VIRGIN

Run #1584: ‘Last day of winter hash’

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Gaotangshi (高塘石站) subway station of line 6 exit A with maybe a dinner afterwards.

Cum and join for some spring frolicking around at some long forgotten trails in the magnificent hills of Guangzhou. Expect some dirt trails, dirt roads and dirty hares while listing to the birds screaming for sex.

This hash will not feature our loyal bus driver, but we might be able to find a subway. Only cost of beer to be shared among the hashers and absolutely nothing else. No sex on trail, no goodbye kisses, no body shots. Maintain at least 2m from all strangers, hashers, hikers, bikers, trees, the ground, your dignity.

Onon

The hares!


Run: #1584 ‘Last day of winter hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk & Just Nila
When: March 7th, 14:30
Where: Subway line 6, Gaotangshi (高塘石站) station exit A
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask, condoms, swimsuit, snacks, dirt

Run #1583: ‘The Great Leap Forward Day’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
This Saturday marks the second Guangzhou Leap Day Hash and only the first in 28 years. Surely everyone remembers this momentous occasion, and don’t call me Shirley. Of course we all recall when the GM at the time (Clump of Cum) opened the circle and accused his Ass-GM (Startling Pubic Abrasions) of not doing enough for the Hash, starting a long line of useless Ass GMs. Walking Organization and boyfriend Poultry Feces were called out for not attending the Hash recently due to an “extended” new year holiday, and Cuddle My Spaghetti was turned away from the B point amidst fears he had a massive fever. Of course no one can forget that trail fuckup that hares Small-but-Agitating-Penis and Giver-of-Orgasms-to-Endangered-Species laid down, but in the end, they all celebrated Eveready’s 40th birthday and went to the Cave Bar.
 
Saturday is your last chance at a Leap Day Hash until February 29th 2048, when we’ll be taking the escalator to the Starbuck’s on top of Maofengshan and GM Just Nila argues with the pilot of the helibus that the Hash shouldn’t pay the 50,000rmb fine for flying through restricted airspace.
 
No bus this week! Carry what you bring…
 
On On!
The Hares!
 
 
 
What: GZH3 Run #1583 ‘The Great Leap Forward Day’
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Pandamoanium
When: February 29th. 2:30pm
Where: Kemulang Exit A (Line 6)
Price: Free (share costs of beer)
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask, condoms, swimsuit

Run #1582: ‘First day of summer hash’

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Changban subway station of line 6 to B with maybe a dinner afterwards.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day

This hash will not feature our loyal bus driver, but we might be able to find a subway. Only cost of beer to be shared among the hashers and absolutely nothing else. No sex on trail, no goodbye kisses, no body shots. Maintain at least 2m from all strangers, hashers, hikers, bikers, trees, the ground, your dignity.

Onon
The hares!

Run: #1582 ‘First day of summer hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk & Just Nila
When: February 22th, 2:22
Where: Subway line 6, Changban station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask, condoms, swimsuit

Run #1581: ‘The Third time’s a charm Hash’

It’s a MARVELLOUS day for a hash! ️

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Changban subway station of line 6 to B. No dinner, just beers.

As the old saying goes, good things come in threes. If you missed the first two, this week’s hares are offering you the THIRD chance to refresh your lungs and throats on the best COVID-19-free trail in Guangzhou ever! (or at least one that they might be able to set without getting lost…hopefully)

This hash will not feature our loyal bus driver, but we might be able to find a subway. Only cost of beer to be shared among the hashers and absolutely nothing else. No sex on trail, no goodbye kisses, no body shots. Maintain at least 2m from all strangers, hashers, hikers, bikers, trees, the ground, your dignity.

Onon
The hares!

Run: #1581 ‘The Third time’s a charm Hash’
Hares: Cumpass, Pin Prick
When: February 15th, 3PM
Where: Subway line 6, Changban station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask, umbrella, mask

Run #1580: ‘The Not-Broken, Not Fixed Hash’

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Changban subway station of line 6 to B with maybe a dinner afterwards.

This may be your last chance to enjoy the unsullied air of GZ before its industry shudders back to life. So celebrate the end of of official holidays and the start of “working from home” the way you mean to go on – WITH A BEER.

This hash will not feature our loyal bus driver, but we might be able to find a subway. Only cost of beer to be shared among the hashers and absolutely nothing else. No sex on trail, no goodbye kisses, no body shots. Maintain at least 2m from all strangers, hashers, hikers, bikers, trees, the ground, your dignity.

Onon
The hares!

Run: #1580 ‘The Not-Broken, Not Fixed Hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk, Surprise on the Thighs, Just Nila
When: February 8th, 3PM
Where: Subway line 6, Changban station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask

Run #1579: ‘The bat-shit crazy Hash’

Ladies and ‘gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.

Warning, no bus this week! Running from Changban subway station of line 6 to B with maybe a dinner afterwards.

Cum and join your only outdoor activity of the week! Break out of the bug-out bunker and let your lungs fill with moderetly clean air. This hash will not feature our loyal bus driver, but we might be able to find a subway. Only cost of beer to be shared among the hashers and absolutely nothing else. No sex on trail, no goodbye kisses, no body shots.

Onon
The hare!

Run: #1579 ‘The bat-shit crazy Hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk
When: Gebruary 1st, 3PM
Where: Subway line 6, Changban station exit C
Price: Free
Bring: Change of mask, clothes, mask, virgin, mask, hazmat suit, mask