Run #1588: ‘The Spanish Armada Hash’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
The year was 1588. The embattled red-headed bastard daughter of a drunken tyrant ruled Britain. Plagued with political division in Parliament and religious schism among her people, history’s 2nd most famous virgin* stood strong and watched as her enemies were hammered against the rocks at Gravelines. Her name? Elizabeth the First.
 
The run number was 1588. The enabled fair-headed legitimate daughter of a drunken tyrant ruled the Guangzhou Hash. Plagued with political division in Mismanagement and religious schism in the circle, history’s 3rd most famous virgin ate ice cream and watched as her father’s friends got hammered against the rocks near Maofengshan. Her name? Nila the Just.
 
Just like the English attitude toward the Spanish in the year 1588, the Hash attitude in Run #1588 is don’t cum if you haven’t been in Guangdong for 14 days! BUT, the Guangzhou Hash is a bit more polite than the English* and will have a Spanish red wine (and BEER) stop to drown our Covid sorrows and salute those drowned Catholics from centuries ago.
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
*Sounds like, sounds like…
 
What: GZH3 Run #1588: ‘The Spanish Armada Hash’
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Just Eros
When: April 4th – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, virgin, VALID/UPDATED SUIKANG CODE.

Run #1587: ‘The New Normal Hash’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’of the Guangzhou Hash.
 
The Guangzhou Hash forges On On this Saturday but, cuntsidering the restless natives at many of our favorite A & B points, we’ll be setting the trail as an A-to-A in the friendly and quiet confines of the same B point that has provided shelter from the storm of a world-gone-crazy in the past few weeks. Even though our favorite pool at 10,000 Bamboos is no more, we also won’t find xenophobic stooges taking advantage of their one moment of power, either.
 
You might think an A-to-A trail sounds boring, but looking at the listed hares for Saturday’s run, you can be assured that “the same ol’ area” will still turn up something of (ill?) repute. While Saturday’s trail might “just” be an A-to-A, don’t expect it to be short or boring
 
SPECIAL NOTICE: All hashers please note and follow these 3 guidelines for attending hash:
a)       must have been in Guangdong province for more than 14 days
b)      have a valid “Suikang” code (the one that tracks your latest entry and places of stay in China) on your phone
c)       temperature check on the bus, same as any restaurant or checkpoint
 
Despite the GZH3 generally being an insane source of sanity, an idiotic escape from idiocy, and a sincere shrine of insincerity – we’re best to keep things on the up-and-up until this thing blows over.
 
On On!
-The GZH3 Mismanagement
 
 
PS. Let’s pretend that, on the bus, everyone smells like our Dear GM and we all want to keep plenty of space from one another J
 
PSS. Definitely note the “change of shoes” mentioned in the following info…

PSSS. There might be some food available at the B-point, please chip in a little if you join
 
What: GZH3 Run #1587: ‘The New Normal Hash’
Hares: The Family Hunka
When: March 28th – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, virgin, SUIKANG CODE.

Run #1586: ‘The Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love Hash’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the GZ Hash.
 
The GM of the Guangzhou Hash is full of several things. While shit, stench, and spunk are the first things that cum to mind, he is also full of love for you, his loyal subjects. His love is so strong that one could, in fact, describe his love as a BURNING LOVE.

That love cums in the form of a sweat-drenched, ominously-odorous hug for the hares after setting a trail. That love is passed precipitously through perspiration to Just Nila who tends to have a lot more hariettes hugging her before the trail than after the GM has carried her for 10km. And it is with that same love that Hunkaspunk gives to you, the unwashed masses of the Guangzhou Hash, a trail full of BURNIN LOVE this Saturday! (possibly some shiggy too)

We have a bus but NO DINNER at the B – we go back to Mango after circle. (although there will be a restaurant where you can get something for yourself after the trail)
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
PS. Let’s pretend that, on the bus, everyone smells like our Dear GM and we all want to keep plenty of space from one another!
 
What: GZH3 Run #1586: ‘The Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love Hash’
Hares: Hunkaspunk, 3IOP, Just Nila & Just Nila’s Support Staff
When: March 21st – 1:00PM Sharp!
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, VIRGIN

Run #1585: ‘The Bus is Back’

Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the GZ Hash.
 
Remember when you were young and that certain ballad meant so much to you and that special someone? Can you still feel those cold, lonely nights when an uplifting melody from your favorite band turned your darkness into light? Do you recall those warm sunsets together with friends – singing admiration and humiliation upon the idiotic things you did that day whilst making you drink from a shoe?
 
We at The Gold Mango Bar Studios remember, and we’re proud to introduce the defining collection of those timeless hits you love – THE BUS IS BACK! These songs will bring you back to a time when life was easier; a time when life was more innocent; a time when Italians weren’t discriminated against in The China. Songs like….
 
‘Magic Bus’ by The Who
 
‘Thin Lizzy’s ‘The Bus is Back in Town,’
 
‘Hot Buss’ by The Killers
 
Don Henley’s ‘The Bus of Summer’
 
…and the song that will live forever in all our hearts…
 
‘I Like Big Bus and I Cannot Lie’ by Sir-Mix-A-Lot
 
These timeless songs of yesteryear and many many more are now available in a limited-offer, 2-CD set that can be yours for the low, low price of just $19.99. BUT, if you cum in the next 3 days before Saturday, we’ll slash your price to an unheard-of price of just 70RMB! That’s right, you get a bus, a trail, all the songs you care to hear and all the beer you care to drink for just 70RMB!
 
Act now, as this offer expires soon, and you never know when those dirty laowai might force us into having underground hashes again!  
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
PS. Let’s pretend that, on the bus, everyone smells like our Dear GM and we all want to keep plenty of space from one another!
 
What: GZH3 Run #1585: ‘The Bus is Back’  
Hares: Shoeless Ho & 3IOP  
When: March 14th – 1:00PM Sharp!  
Where: The Gold Mango Bar (100M west of Taojin Metro Exit B)  
Price: 70rmb for adults, 35 for kids, free for babies that don’t drink 4 Coca-Colas during Hash  
Bring: MASK REQUIRED ON BUS – NO EXCEPTIONS. Change of clothes/shoes, VIRGIN

Run #1573: ‘The Soft, Flaccid and Placid Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,

Christmas is over and the New Year is cumming on quick. This is Hiking Club’s last opportunity to give you the gift she’s been holding back all year; the softest trail of the year. Just like your ex on a Friday night, this trail will have way too much alcohol and become disappointingly soft but maybe, just maybe, Hiking Club can find a bit of length in her pocket of trails or under a bush somewhere and somehow redeem herself.

On On!
The Hares
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1573: The Soft, Flaccid and Placid Hash
Hare: Hiking Club
When: 13:00 on Saturday December 28
Where: Mango Bar – Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: change of clothes, swimsuit, umbrella, shoes, snacks & a virgin.

Run #1571: ‘The Hold Your Breath Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
There’s a lot to hold your breath for on this Saturday’s Guangzhou Hash:
 
First off, while the real hashers ascend and slide along the slopes of Baiyunshan, several harriettes in the fairer half of the kennel will be dolling themselves up for the big night. Instead of sitting at home and wondering what kind of war paint the harriettes are plastering onto their faces as they prepare for a night on the prowl, spend your time getting a little dirt under your fingernails and a buzz on to get your own ugly self ready for the soiree.
 
Speaking of Baiyunshan – if you were on last week’s trail, you might have noticed what appeared to be a Kleenex and peanut butter graveyard about 14 km into the ballbuster trail. If you see anything like this on Saturday’s run, it is advised you hold your breath until the GM is around to drown out any other aromatic annoyances. This is especially important considering the tendencies of this week’s cohere:
 
TURTLEHEAD! I mean, cough, cough MAYBE Turtlehead. We’ve all seen this movie before, so it’s your choice whether you’re dumb enough to hold your breath and wait for another one of Turtlehead’s
 
BEST TRAIL EVER!
 
Cum Saturday and hold your breath for the handsome harriettes, the shitty but not shiggy trail, and (at your own risk) the Guangzhou Hash’s favorite maybe/possibly/prollynot cohare!
 
 
On On!
-The Hare(s?)
 
PS – Last few tickets available for the GZH3 Christmas Party & Annual Awards! Contact Hash Cash or GM ASAP.
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1571: The Hold Your Breath Hash
Hares: Three Inches of Pain and….gasp….maybe Turtlehead
When: Saturday, December 14th – 1:00pm SHARP!
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for transport, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, change of shoes, ample bronchial volume.

Run #1570: ‘The Baiyun Ballbreaker Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash,
 
Cum Cannon and one of his haring harem began the Baiyun Ballbreaker tradition in 2016 as a way to prove that Baiyun Mountain still had a purpose besides hauling ayis up the mountain in glorified golf carts for photo shoots and fast food at the top.
 
Shoeless Ho, the venerable and venereal ex-ex-ex-ex-GM of the Guangzhou Hash, along with Scratch-n-Sniff, continued this annual escapade in 2017 by accidentally setting 18km on the first hot-n-humid day of the year, causing the circle to consist of a bunch of dehydrated hashers mumbling “heeshahasherthrooranthroo” before seeking refuge at the bottom of a soju bottle in Sanyuanli.
 
One year ago, a fit Womb Raider helped a bloke half her age through the mountainous midnight after he realized a GZH3 ballbuster was a liiiittle different than what he was used to in Bangkok.
 
We go back to the Holiest of Happy Guangzhou Hashing Grounds this Saturday for the BAIYUN BALLBREAKER.
 
Walkers and Runners trail available also!!!
 
On On!
-The Hares
 
What: GZ Hash Run #1570: The Baiyun Ballbreaker Hash
Hares: Three Inches of Pain and Just Eros
When: Saturday, December 7th – 1:00pm SHARP!
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, change of shoes, balls.

Run #1567: ‘The “It’s the GM’s Job to Write the Hashvertisement” Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash House Harriers,

In his attempt to find a TRULY virgin trail for the GZ Hash this week, your hare went to Maofengshan on Monday. He went to Tianluhu on Tuesday. On Wednesday he went to Dayuan. Then on Thurdsday Dafushan. Now on the slopes of Luogang, as he attempts to scout the most virginest of hash trails for all his fellow hashers, he finds himself without the virgin trail he had hoped for, and with even less of a hashvertisement.

Onon…?

The Hare

What: GZ Hash Run #1567: The “It’s the GM’s Job to Write the Hashvertisement” Hash
Hares: Turtlehead, Just Mia
When: 13:00 on Saturday November 23rd
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Suncream, change of clothes, shoes & insect repellent

Run #1566: ‘The Hunka Hunka Jungle Hash’

Ladies and “Gentlemen” of the Guangzhou Hash House Harriers,

Some like it hard and.long, some like it short and soft and others again go for a mean semi.That”s why your GM decided to please all and set 3 trails on 1 Saturday. Some cum and enjoy either a heavy ballbuster, soft Walker or mediocre running trail.

Onon!

The Hare

What: GZ Hash Run #1566: Tbe Hunka Hunka Jungle Hash
Hares: Hunkaspunk
When: 13:00 on Saturday November 16th
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Suncream, change of clothes, shoes & insect repellent