Tsingtao it is!
The weather gods didn’t seem to be able to make up their minds today. By 13.30 it started to drizzle, 10 min. later it stopped again. However, the overcast sky didn’t bode well. Hare D.M.P.I. phoned in every few minutes from Panyu for an updated report about the situation. Nevertheless, we were able to assemble a 30 strong crowd of hard-core hashers.
By the way, this was going to be the first hash with the new hash beer: Tsingtao. A couple of Tsing- tao cans were also among the first casualties of the day. While open- ing the boxes to fill the beer into the buckets Big Top was wielding one of those large melon knives with such a verve that she was slic- ing through a whole layer of cans. The Hash Cash’s heart was bleed- ing. You go out of your way to save the hash a few bucks by changing the brew and then such a waste.
Some hashers had the nerve to show up only at ten past two and it seemed that they found it quite natural that we would still be at the Sportsman’s. By now the frequen- cy of incoming calls from D.M.P.I. got frantic. “Where the fuck are you?” It was almost half past when we finally left, not without waiting an extra minute for Room Service, who always decides to go to the toilet when the bus is just about to depart. It was another 10 min. later and we were already on the Panyu bridge when Shiggy called and inquired where we were. Allegedly he had been snowed in at the capital airport.
A F***er of a Run
After picking up the hares Dick Magnet, Spiderman, Black Widow and Michel we headed further south. With this group of hares you can always expect to get your money worth of a run. When G.I. hill came into sight we knew that our worst fears had come true. It was a fucker of run. First they led us three times half way up G.I. hill and the surrounding hills. Stairs galore and not exactly benevolent to your knees. Minicock and A Sheep called Sally weren’t pleased at all about the uphill false trails. After half an hour of ups and downs came another looong stretch of run. Even Spiderman took a short cut in the end and StrapOn, not yet fully recovered from his half marathon a week earlier, barely made it home alive. Most runners clocked about 80 minutes, to make it back to the bus just in time before the rain finally set it.
To escape the rain we moved the circle a bit down the road under the canopy of a street side restau- rant. The owners were not too pleased, but actually they should have thanked us for livening the place up a bit.
First, on a bit more somber note, we commemorated the historic Dec. 7 attack on Pearl Harbour by giving Yoku and Japanese collaborator Oddo a down down. Then the attention turned mostly to fashion related issues: Artsy Fartsy, who by the way screwed up at the MC marathon, was strutting around looking like a character sprung from La Cage aux Folles. Others said he looked like a peacock, wearing a shuttle cock – of course in orange – on the top of his head. Yoku was reprimanded for wearing Versace long pants on the run and Big Top for sporting cut-off jeans. Now, there is nothing wrong with cut-off jeans, especially when worn by Big Top, but normally you cut them off right below your buttocks to show a bit of ‘cleav- age’ and not above your ankles. D.M.P.I., Spiderman, Oddo, Sarah and Yoku received the newly created Mr. Clean Award for being dressed
up as for a polar expedition. Yes we didn’t have 30 plus anymore, but hellooooo? Finally Platterpuss and newcomers Blair and Simon drank from their new shoes and Spiderman had it coming for wearing shades though there was no ray of sunshine anywhere in southern China today.
Snowwhite and the 7 Barfs
Then we had a couple of namings coming: By his own wish A Sheep called Sally was re-christened A Sheep called Scheisse. If you don’t know what it means, I will lend you my German dictionary. Now over to Sarah. Have you ever seen this girl wearing anything else than black? Day or night, rain or shine? No! So, she was baptized Snowwhite. For weeks we had been looking for an appropriate name for Henriette, waiting for her to do something stupid. But to no avail. So the name had to do something with her home country. What is Holland famous for? Ahaaa! So she was named Two-lips. And how do you call someone like Yoku, who is Japanese but loves China, lives here and studies her language and history? Right, this is what you call a Commie-kaze.
StrapOn garnered two awards today: he got the Elsa Klench Fashion Award for wearing a truly atrocious outfit combining blue Harriette baggy pants, a yellow MC marathon shirt with a fitting advertising banner in matching colour, worn as a cape around his shoulders, and a beige wind jacket. That makes me really want Horny back. Then he received the Horny Lama Memorial Award for resembl- ing Horny’s running style today: Never lift both feet together off the ground. And he nearly missed the Shiggy Award. He was only beaten by Henri- ette who came in last a few meters behind StrapOn. Nuff said
On On Caveman
As Cum Cannon arrives into New York Harbor aboard a syphilis-ridden ship filled with rotting potatoes and Italians shooting dice, he’ll pass by that iconic symbol of the American Dream and Americans’ ever-welcoming attitude toward refugees. He’ll read the famous inscription that millions of alcoholics, army cannon fodder, and jihadists have read before him. He’ll read to himself with a smile on his face and a tear in his eye, “Give me your poor (Yes, that’s CC. Fucking Chinese economy), Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free (Finally free of Guangzhou’s PM2.5 level of 138, heading to NYC’s PM2.5 level of 131), The wretched(Excellent adjective to use in connection with CC) of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me (Send some good beer while you’re at it, too), I lift my lamp beside the golden door (Tramps and whores? Yes!).” We wish Cum Cannon only the best in whatever lies ahead (Sounds like, sounds like…). Let’s fuck him off properly on Saturday.
While CC seeks new shores and a plethora of freedoms that make all other nations communist red with envy, Double-00 looks to expand his geographical footprint across China in true German fashion. Hong Kong became too crowded, Shanghai became too trendy, and now Cantonese food has became too bland for our Dearly Departing Uberhashmeister. In search of a little Lebensraum (or “Living Space” as a certain political party marketed it to their people in the 1930s…) and better food, Double-00 and his spicy sidekick Angry Dragon are fucking (off to Hunan). Speaking at his final GZH3 press conference (sponsored by Mango Bar), Double-00 took to the microphone in a fiery diatribe, “Ve’re going to march into Yingde and ve’re going to schtrike! Ve’re going to check ze checks! Ve’re going to blitz ze mountains! And zen ve’re going to Changsha! VE’RE GOING TO….TO….ummmm, excuse me ladies und gentlemen I have a phone call. Yes honey? Vhat? Really? Oh I see. But honey…but….okay. Yes dear. Yes dear. Mmhmm, I love you too. Um, ladies und gentlemen of ze Guangzhou Hash, ze Yingde Fuckoff Weekend has been postponed again. I vill see you all in June for ze best fuckoff weekend ever!”
Luckily the Yingde Fuckoff weekend WILL remain as “originally” planned despite Angry Dragon’s pedicure appointment. We meet early at 10:30am on Saturday at the Mango Bar, and you should note these particular pieces of information:
1. Early departure! Arrive at 10:30am!
2. Bring a lunch for the bus on Saturday. Better yet, bring some to share.
3. Bring two pairs of shoes if possible. Things might get a little dirty on Saturday….
4. Bring your passport for hotel check-in.
5. Return to Mango Bar sometime in the early evening on Sunday night.
6. Saturday: 10:30am!
Where: Mango Bar – Taojin Metro Exit B