Guangzhou Hash House Harriers

+? =⛰ ≡ ?+ ?= Eureka!

Following their fundamental scientific discovery of the equivalence of Hashgasms and Orgasms (both resulting in symptoms such as increased heart rate, loss of bodily fluids, and general feelings of ecstasy), Turtlehead and Creamy Buns are proud to offer you the long-awaited “MULTI-CLIMAX TRAIL”.

If you are interested by:
-Horizontal (and uphill) Jogging
-Penetrating bushy trails 穿入毛茸茸的森林
-Edging close to the precipice 悬崖l临射刹车
-Wet mud sliding 湿泥润滑
-The sounds of spring screaming 叫春
-Hunting for wild mushroom(tips) 野外寻找黑木耳
-Dehydration 被榨干了
-Riding dragons 双龙
-Grasping long and stiff bamboo shafts 抱着湿竹少女
-Virgin trail sacrifice 祭祀处女
-Witnessing rare and endangered wildlife, such as the Venus Butterfly 目睹濒危物种，例如白虎
-Feeling disappointment and physical pain to discover the hare had been faking that trail the whole time 假高潮

Then this hash is for you. A chartreuse-based “Orgasmic Verdant lady” cocktail will be served at the fireworks grand finale.
Get ready to come! Many times over!

What: GZH3 Run# 1529: The MULTI-CLIMAX hash
Hares: Turtlehead & Creamy Buns ( AKA Creamy-Head )
Date: Saturday Feb 16
MEET: 13:00 Mango Bar
(Taojin Line 5 Exit B)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB (cash or WeChat) for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes, an experienced pig and a curious virgin !

What: GZH3 Run# 1528: The Pig Hash
Hares: Turtlehead, Dandy Pants
When: 13:00 on Saturday February 9
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5)
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes and a virgin

What: GZH3 Run# 1527: The Pre Pig Hash
Hares: Lost Sausage
Date: Saturday Feb 2
MEET: 13:00 Mango Bar
(Taojin Line 5 Exit B)
14:00 A Point
(Gaotangshi Line 6 Exit A)
14:15 ONON
Cost: None, only Dinner costs will be shared among Hashers
Bring: As Little as possible, since you need to carry it all the way to B, Money for Dinner

GZHash #1524: The work weekend in Chonghua Hash

Dear Ladies and ‘Gentlemen’ of the Guangzhou Hash:

I will be away this Saturday, to ensure a beautiful and naughty Hash trail, I will send my boys although one is a virgin and other can barely find his way to Mango Bar on a Saturday anymore.

I have given them clear instructions on what should be an expertly marked and true blue trail. But to make this Saturday even more of a challenge I decided to make the boys take you all out of the Maofengshan comfort zone so you can get lost in a completely different area of GZ!

So cum Saturday to be wowed by what will have cobbled together for you!

ON ON
Minute Man, Just Alex (virgin hare)

Your Love
Womb Raider

What: GZHash #1524: The work weekend in Chonghua Hash
Hares: Minute Man & Just Alex (virgin hare) + Womb Raider in spirits
When: 13:00 on Saturday January 19
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5) 
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes and a virgin

Ladies and “gentlemen” of the Guangzhou hash,

The Christmas party is but a drunken blur of revelry and sleazy trysts in dark corners and the dark, cold times of having to actually go to work have hardened the hares hearts against even the thought of a well-scouted trail. Pornstache, being the spry young man that he is, held up a middle finger to the mountain and said, “fuck it” after a grand total of 2.3km of scouting. On the one day Forget-Me-Twat had free to scout she somehow wandered into a hot pot restaurant and didn’t wander out until 5 in the evening. We don’t know how this happened, but it seems to happen a lot.

Fortunately, to make up for this overt lack of preparation, Pornstache and FMT have somehow found a willing virgin-ish(hare) sacrifice to throw on the midwinters bonfire. Just Yuze joins the hares to bring a bit of virginity to what could be a slightly less than virgin trail.

Cum Saturday and bask in joys of a 27 degree December where we don’t actually need a bonfire and the fact that we all don’t have to work on Saturday.

On On!
-The Hares

What: GZHash #1519: The Still Hungover Hash
Hares: Pornstache & Forget-Me-Twat& Just Yuze
When: 13:00 on Saturday December 22
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5) 
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks, and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes and a virgin

Ladies & “Gentlemen”of the Guangzhou Hash,

Days are getting shorter for running trails and evenings are getting longer for drinking beer. It must almost be time for our Annual Party! That special time of year when Three Inches Of Pain leaves his Daisy Dukes at home, Smegma gets out his pipe, and the GM shaves his beard for the last time until a Mango Bar rat sees his shadow. This year’s party will be held in one of the greatest Moroccan restaurants in town, La Medina. So, send your money to the hash cash soon, because space is very limited! More info below.

Our fine traditions prescribe that awards be given out on the Anal event, coveted by all “serious” hashers like Hunkaspunk. After setting himself the strenuous task of making haring look easy and doable for everybody, this Saturday it’s ON! Still in the race for “Best Hash of the Year,” he teamed up with the Dutch Delight from Samarang, Bend Over, for some very virgin Maofengshan trails. Much like the TITular character in the 90s film “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” is given a fountain of youth and new lease on life by a muscular Jamaican islander, Hunkaspunk’s haring abilities have been rejuvenated by the supple and rugged Dutch Delight from Samarang – Bend Over.
Directly after a circle suspected to be full of glowing reviews of the trail and many congratulatory beers for the hares, the bash will be prepared at one of the less-frequented Maofengshan haunts.

Get your lazy ass out of bed

Onon

Bend Over & Hunkaspunk

What: GZHash #1517: The virgin not virgin pre-anal hash
Hares: Bend Over & Hunkaspunk
When: 13:00 on Saturday December 8
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5) 
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes, a virgin and rose petals to shower the hares

What: GZH3# 1513: The Horse’s Ass Hash
Hares: Three Inches of Pain & Count von Cunt
When: 13:00 on Saturday Nov 10th
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5) 
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes and a Virgin

Ladies and gentlemen of the Guangzhou hash,

As you know the world has been going to hell in a handbasket recently…

… and Just Taylor has had enough. The shit she’s been dealing with has led her to the realization that life is not fair. It took her 26 years to learn it but she’s finally absorbed the meaningless fact that life as a human being is rather unfair. (Hiking club as you might imagine has been aware of this unfairness for some time and as a rule sets her expectations low).

It was with this anger and disillusionment that Just Taylor went haring for the first time.
“It’s too easy,” complained Taylor, as they bushwhacked up a hill, “life’s not easy, let’s make this harder.”
“Ummm ok,” said hiking club as she fell in a thorn bush.

“What IS this? It’s too freaking easy,” growled Taylor as they completed a 2 km uphill climb.
“Ummm ok,” said hiking club as she tripped over a root.

“Goddamnit! I think we need to scout again and find a harder trail,” nagged Taylor, as they pushed their way through Mandarin trees.
“Ummm ok,” said hiking club as she received the benediction of a spiderweb full in the face

Cum Saturday to see what Hiking Club and Taylor found to inflict on their fellow masochists

What: GZH3# 1514: The everything-is-on-fire-but-it’s-fine Hash
Hares: Just Taylor & Hiking Club
When: 13:00 on Saturday Nov 10th
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5) 
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes and a Virgin

I’m tired of writing epic hashvertisments that end up as toilet reading for dyspeptic hashers to peruse while flipping between memes and various suspect news sources.

-Hiking Club

There is a hash this weekend. Cum.

-Hickey Ho

What: GZH3 #1511 The Boring Uninteresting Uninspired Hash
Hares: Hiking Club & Hickey Ho
When: 13:00 on Saturday October 27
Where: Mango Bar Taojin Exit B (Line 5) 
Cost: 0 – 6 yo free, 7 – 12 yo 65 RMB and 13+ 130 RMB cash or WeChat for bus, run, drinks and dinner.
Bring: Change of clothes, shoes and bathing suit